Kaustav Sen is a distinguished contributor.

Don’t just let stress build in the back of your mind. Take back control by bringing it front and centre.

Name the problem. Simply giving the problem, or cause of your stress, a name can begin the process of resolution. By identifying the specific problem, you eliminate all other possibilities, making it more concrete and manageable.
Examine your automatic thoughts. "Automatic thoughts" are the things you say to yourself without realizing it. When automatic thoughts are constructive, you cope well. However, when stress levels are high, you often subject yourself to negative messages that may or may not reflect the reality of the situation. These messages contribute directly to stress. It's rare that you stop to consider what you tell yourself, but your automatic thoughts reflect your internal assumptions and beliefs. Test your assumptions by tuning in to your automatic thoughts. What words pop into your mind? Write them down and look at them objectively. Often, you'll find that they're exaggerated; for example, do you use negative words (i.e., failure, disaster) to describe yourself or the situation?
Correct errors in logic and revise your assumptions. Examine your automatic thoughts for errors in logic. Instead of calling yourself a failure and assuming that a disaster will certainly occur, be objective and think constructively.
Develop alternative hypotheses. Even though you may leap to the worst-case scenario, there may be other hypotheses that could explain the situation. Try to think objectively.
Give yourself a reality check. The problem may not be as bad as it seems and easier to solve than you initially thought. While positive amounts of stress elicit clearheaded thinking, too much stress exaggerates reality. This causes our imagination to blow a small problem out of proportion. Look at a situation from as many different viewpoints as possible—what might initially seem disastrous could in fact offer exciting new opportunities.

About The Author

Cluster Director of Human Resources & Training at Crowne Plaza & Staybridge Suites Yas@AUH/HR Committee-Yas Plaza Hotels

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The most influential people strive for genuine buy-in and commitment — they don’t rely on compliance techniques that only secure short-term persuasion.

These high-impact influencers follow a pattern of four steps that all of us can put into action. In earlier pieces we covered Step 1: Go for great outcomes and Step 2: Listen past your blind spots. Later we’ll cover Step 4: When you’ve done enough… do more. Here we cover Step 3: Engage others in “their there.”

For real influence we need to go from our here to their there to engage others in three specific ways:

Situational Awareness: Show that You Get “It.” Show that you understand the opportunities and challenges your conversational counterpart is facing. Offer ideas that work in the person’s there. When you’ve grasped their reality in a way that rings true, you’ll hear comments like “You really get it!” or “You actually understand what I’m dealing with here.”
Personal Awareness: You Get “Them.” Show that you understand his or her strengths, weaknesses, goals, hopes, priorities, needs, limitations, fears, and concerns. In addition, you demonstrate that you’re willing to connect with them on a personal level. When you do this right, you’ll hear people say things like “You really get me!” or “You actually understand where I’m coming from on this.”
Solution Awareness: You Get Their Path to Progress. Show people a positive path that enables them to make progress on their own terms. Give them options and alternatives that empower them. Based on your understanding of their situation and what’s at stake for them personally, offer possibilities for making things better — and help them think more clearly, feel better, and act smarter. When you succeed, you’ll hear comments like, “That could really work!” or “I see how that would help me.”

When you’re trying to influence, don’t start by trying to pull others into your here. Instead, go to their thereby to asking yourself: